Culture By Edited by Peggy Chan 1507 Views

Is Your Sexual Fantasy Among the Seven Most Common?

Sexual fantasies are perfectly normal, and everyone has them. So, if you’re wondering why your mind drifts to the gutter sometimes, just know that you are not alone.

In this day and age, many people still feel quite embarrassed about their sexual fantasies and thoughts, but according to certified sex therapist Gigi Engle, no matter what your fantasy is, it’s all completely normal.

“The more we talk sexual fantasy and normalize the conversation, the less we’ll beat ourselves up for having twisty, sexual, steamy [thoughts],” said Engle in a report.

If you’re one of those people who feel their sexual fantasy is strange, then you should learn about some of the most common things that we’re all dirty dreaming about.

In a survey of over 4,000 people, internationally renowned sex educator Justin Lehmiller reveals the seven most common fantasies. While there are endless possibilities when it comes to what you can imagine sexually, there’s a good chance your desires would match some of the fantasies below.

1. Multiple partner sex

If you have ever imagined engaging in a sexual act with more than one person, then you’re among the millions of Americans that are aroused by the thought of group sex.

Orgies, threesomes, and the likes are the common fantasies and according to Engle, the reason why most people are turned on by it is simply the excitement of being the star of a steamy sex show. You can choose to either keep this fantasy to yourself, share it with your partner or try it out with those you’d want in real life.

Nonetheless, you don’t need to overthink it. Talk to your partner about the possibilities of engaging in it if you so desire it and establish boundaries during your interactions.

2. Taboo sex

As humans, we always desire what we can’t have, and our brains are wired that way. This extends to our sexual relationship and any act that appears forbidden, weird, or inappropriate in real life has a way of arousing the mind, said Engle.

The most common forms of taboo sex are voyeurism and exhibitionism. Secretly watching people engage in different sexual activities is the fantasy of voyeurism while exhibitionists are turned on by stripping or engaging in sexual activities in the presence of someone—sometimes with or without their knowledge. 

Both fantasies require consent as non-consensual voyeurism and exhibitionism is illegal. However, with a live sex cam, you can freely explore these fantasies without being on the wrong side of the law or infringing on anyone’s privacy.

3. Rough, power and control sex

Bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism (BDSM) ranks as the second most popular fantasy in America today. Basically, it involves the consensual exchange of authority in a sexual or nonsexual manner.

For many people, the thought of being sexually dominating or submissive can be a huge turn on especially for people who are either used to being in control or under authority outside the bedroom.  Whether your preference is blindfolding, needle play or spanking, BDSM has a wide range of sexual activities that you and your partner can explore.

Before you engage in BDSM, be sure it is consensual and both parties have agreed on what is acceptable or not.

4. Non-monogamy

Swinging, polyamory, and open relationships are increasingly becoming a societal norm. A more common form is consensual non-monogamy where one partner seeks and gets the approval of their other half to engage in extramarital affairs.

Some people are fully aware that they desire one romantic partner and the liberty to engage in as many sexual partners as possible. For others, they just want to have as many romantic relationships at a time as possible.

Whichever bracket you fall into, just understand that nonethical non-monogamy can put a huge strain on your relationship with your partner.

5. Adventure and novelty

Have you ever thought of having sex on a mountain, at a beach or in an aeroplane bathroom? Well, most people fantasize about sexual exploits that are new and adventurous.

Fantasies that are centred around doing something novel and adventurous are quite common, especially in long-term relationships. Trying something new is a great way to reignite the passion you once had at the start of your relationship, but it is important to first talk to your partner about whatever activity you would love to try.

6. Passion and romance

Finding the perfect man or woman is the dream of most people but sometimes, our expectations exist only in our heads or on the TV screens. Many people desire passionate and romantic gestures like taking long walks on the beach, sending romantic texts, making eye contact during sex and candlelight dinners. All of these gestures are part of a fantasy of being intimate, romantic and highly desirable.

For those who often fantasize about this, there is a high chance that they’re feeling underappreciated by their partner in real life. One way to live out this fantasy is to have a hearty conversation with your partner to understand each other’s love language and romantic gestures.

7. Sexual flexibility

Gender-bending and sexual fluidity fantasies are experienced by people who get excited by the thought of gender role reversal and changes in sexual preferences.

These fantasies allow people to infuse something new and exciting into their sexual life while simultaneously ignoring cultural expectations of what is normal, said Dr. Lehmiller. As always, communication is the key to understanding if your fantasy for sexual fluidity matches that of your partner.